Pop Culture Victim

I'm so embarrassed I can barely look at myself in the reflection of my monitor.

I pride myself on...if not being on the cutting edge...at least being somewhere near the blade. Since I was a senior in high school...and a couple of years later when I met a guy named Marty (you know who you are, you swarthy, influential man, you), I've abandoned most things...um...popular. I took the Top 40 crystals out of my car stereo. I wear a lot of blue jeans and t-shirts. I watch a lot of reruns and movies about angry people. I'm no Marty, but I ain't the feather-haired pansy from Willard, MO that I was when I was a freshman in high school (I was always trying to impress those Pop 40 girls...never realizing that they would never pop).

I'm not anti-pop, mind you. I still get into some things that are popular...but still good. I say this in fear that someone out there might call me an elitist. Or some people who really know me will say that I'm really more of a pop culture freak than I realize. I dunno. I'm rationalizing too much. Moving on...

I'm embarrassed.

I can't get enough of those new Gap commercials.

It began with hearing Sheryl Crow as she gyrated to Supertramp. Then Dwight Yokum. Even that Shaggy character. I have no idea who he is, but I hear he, like Ms. Crow (and me) is from Missouri. Now, every time the commercial comes on...I'm glued.

Part of my fascination...I love to hear regular artists pick up an acoustic guitar and cover some old song.

Now, I'm on The Gap.com, downloading Quicktime and watching the commercials on my PC. I'm strumming the opening D-A-D chord progression on my guitar. I'm trying to make my voice sound like Shaggy without asking Scooby where all the snacks are. I'm sick.

The thing is...I have no more desire to shop at the Gap than I did last month. But I wonder if there is some subliminal message..."Give a little bit...give a little bit of your dough to Gap..."

I'm really afraid. There has to be some support group out there for me. I mean, they have a home menopause test now. Surely they have something for people like me.

Give a little bit, people.