Rapid Eye Reality -- Home of Brad Willis' writing on family life, travel adventures, and life inside the poker world




About Rapid Eye Reality
Poker Papers
Up For Poker Blog
Up For Sports Blog
PokerStars Blog
Twitter
Flickr
Buzznet



Currently reading:





2007 Reading List

Advertising
Aneurysms
Aging
Barack Obama
Books
Computers
Crime
Devon Epps
Drinking
Elections
Family
Film
Food
Gambling
Health
Hygiene
Mt. Otis
Music
Parenting
Physical
Pimping
Politics
Poker
Mental Massage
Tiffany Souers
Travel
TSA
TV News

Blogroll RER

www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from OT!S. Make your own badge here.

Thursday, January 23, 2003

My penis froze and fell off

I hate to be graphic. I really do. I would really prefer if RER were a place your children could learn to read. But this has been one long fucking day and it isn't over yet. As I write, my penis threatens to fall off from complete embarassment.

If the bad part of the day had ended with my penis shrinking a little after the events described in the post below, I could've dealt with it. Hell, my penis has been shrinking since puberty. It got a little smaller that day at Fastnight Pool when the cute girl by the diving board called me a pencil-dick. It got noticably smaller the day the butcher called me "ma'am." And it got smaller today when the good looking volunteer firefighter looked me with eyes that said, "Man, it's a damned shame your wife has to see you sitting here as helpless as a little girl who just lost her dolly."

If it had all ended there, I probably could've lived. Hell, it's not as if I'm trying to snare new women with a extra-long schlong or anything. My wife has watched my thing shrink several times in the last six or seven years. That time I couldn't fix the toilet and had to bring in a black market plumber comes to mind.

But it didn't end there. It only got worse. First I had to admit the single-digit temperatures and sub-zero wind chills were really getting to me. I was really cold and as a result not a real Midwestern cold-fighting man. Turns out, I wasn't the only thing feeling a little chilly.

I always get nervous when my wife comes out of the bathroom and uses this phrase: "Honey...we have a problem." It can mean so many different things. I won't go into that now.

She proceeded to go to every sink in our home, turning on the faucets, and looking at me as if to say, "So whatta you figure we're going to do about this?"

This was a decided lack of water. With the exception of a small trickle from two downstairs spouts, every pipe at Mt. Willis was frozen. Oh yeah, then the trickle stopped.

I did what I always do when I encounter a home problem I can't fix. I called Dad. He gave me the best advice I've received all night: Call a plumber.

Of course, that would be failure. Recall: Hiring Ray the Plunger Sabatino to install the new toilet drew a look of worry from the wife.

She called the neighbor. He can fix just about anything. Ten minutes later he was standing at my door with something called Burn-Zo-Matic. In short, a blow torch. Against my better judgement, he and I heated up every pipe we could find, in around, and under the house.

Nothing.

I made a few phone calls. The guy at the water company said just to wait. Don't blow the cash on a plumber. Of course, there's a chance your pipes will explode. But then again...and here's the good part...there's a chance they won't.

So, there's a chance they won't. If they don't, I stand a chance of keeping my penis until the next major disaster.

But, you know, it may not matter anyway. As I write, my wife is watching a TV news magazine about the evils of the porn industry. I don't see me having much use for my man tool any time soon.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home -- E-Mail Otis --

 NEW RER RSS feed


Advertisting inquiries to:
editor@pokerpapers.com
blackjack terminology
New canadian casino online poker web, which is owned by 888 casino announced launching before a few months. They are focusing only on Canadians and their specific needs (e.g. payment methods etc.),so you are able to play online games such as poker comfortably in your national background.
Google


    Creative Commons License

Rapid Eye Reality is the personal blog of writer Brad Willis, aka Otis.
All poker stories, travelogues, food writing, parenting and marriage advice, crime stories, and other writing should be taken with a grain of salt. It is also all protected under a Creative Commons license
.