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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Karma, she is a bitch

You know why you don't kick a man when he is down? Because he's a lot closer to your balls than if he were standing up.

Indeed, I gloated about my ability to find cheaper airfare than my friends. I even worried that a little gloating could screw me.

I haven't been so screwed since that night in college when...oh, nevermind. Here's the rundown of how my hour and fifteen minute trip to Memphis turned into more than half a day.

10:50am--Pick up Toenails at his house and eye his oversized "carry-on" bag with a little worry. I'm not overly concerned, though, because, in most cases, we're going to gate-check the bag with a little tag and avoid official checking.

11:15am--Arrive at airport and start making plans for what happens if the airline officials start asking questions about the spelling of Toenails' name.

11:17am--Sigh with relief when I realize I can check Toenails in by myself and he doesn't have to swipe a credit card to get his boarding pass.

11:17am +30 seconds--Curse out loud in front of an old lady when I realize our perfect flight has been canceled due to weather. Our new flight isn't scheduled to fly out until after 5pm.

11:18pm--Listen to Toenails' suggestion that we try to get re-booked on a different airline. Further listen to his suggestion that we lie and tell the desk agent we're invested $10,000 deep into an event that starts at 5pm.

11:35am--It works and we're re-booked to fly out on a delayed flight to Atlanta and connect on a 2:43pm flight to Memphis. Well, it works except for the fact that a bitchy Delta agent makes Toenails check his bag. I bet Toenails $10 he won't see his bag in Memphis when we get there.

1:00pm--After the inbound flight from Atlanta is delayed, we finally get on our flight.

1:50pm--I realize we should be on the ground in Atlantia already and futher realize that we are flying in circles.

2:42pm--Our flight to Memphis is scheduled to depart Atlanta. We land and I call the airline to discover our outbound flight is delayed until 3:20pm and we will have time to make it to the gate.

3:00pm--We make it to the gate in time to discover the flight is now delayed until 5:12pm.

3:01pm--Toenails and I find the nearest bar and start playing gin. We each go back to the gate every fifteen minutes to make sure everything is fine.

4:15pm--On my trip back to the gate, I notice our flight is no longer listed. I determine quickly that our flight has been canceled. I run back to the bar, grab Toenails and our bags and run for the re-booking desk.

4:20pm--I get on the phone while Toenails stands in line. The lady on the phone says I can get on standby for a 5:00pm flight, but it's not worth it because the standby line is already 20 deep. She says we're booked on a 9:43pm flight and we can get on standby for a 8:58pm flight.

4:35pm--Toenails has once again lied to a gate agent and told her we are $10,000 invested into a poker tournament. As he grabs me, he tells me the agent has done "some illegal shit" to get us on the 5pm flight. We proceed to run to another concourse.

5:00pm--It is determined that the only "illegal shit" the agent has done is move us up to #15 on the standby list. I decide I feel like shit and want to go back home.

7:00pm--We arrive in another concourse to sit on standby for the 8:58 flight, which an old lady tells me I look good to get on. We resume playing gin. I'm losing.

8:00pm--The 8:58 flight is now delayed until 9:30 (15 minutes before our confirmed flight is scheduled to take off). The old lady now tells me I don't look as good to get on her flight.

9:00pm--I decide we might as well just go get on our 9:43pm flight and we walk to another concourse and go to a bar.

9:30pm--Our 9:43pm flight is delayed until 10:10pm. The only good news is that our gate is moved to the one across the way form the bar.

10:10pm--Our plane actually arrives.

11:00pm--We actually make it into the air.

11:29pm (central time)--We land in Memphis.

11:59pm--After rushing to the car rental place, getting my car, and getting back to the airport, I discover Toenails' bag has actually arrived on our plane. Combined with my gin losses, I'm now down $20 and 12 hours.

12:29am--We arrive in Tunica, MS. Toenails puts my $20 on black and wins.

Karma, she is a bitch.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever read "If You Give a Moose a Muffin" (of any of the other books in that series)? Maybe it's the fact that I just read that book to my daughter at bedtime tonight that makes this post eerily reminicent of it.

"If you give an Otis a challenge, he'll want a bet to go with it...." I could have fun re-writing the whole story.

10:35 PM  
Blogger rj said...

karma: a bitch with a bad attitude. nicely told.

6:35 AM  
Blogger G-Rob said...

"The game began after two people had already lost. Though this pair of card players is willing to risk several hundred dollars on the turn of the card, the two ninnies weren't patient enough to wait for flight prices to level off. Rather than play the waiting game, they booked $270 flights out of a city more than an hour away. My friend Toenails and I knew we could do better. "

10:38 AM  

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