South Carolina UFOs

My wife made her tasty southwestern cheesy meatloaf and mashed potatoes tonight for dinner. She was cranky while she worked, cursing the spuds and lamenting her cheese purchase. She snapped at me while she peeled her potatoes, eschewing the peeler and working with a paring knife. Worried, I kept my distance and made sure the kid didn't mention anything about food prep or the wife's spiritual mise en place.

During dinner, I noticed something a little odd. As my wife forked her food and tried to maintain casual conversation, her mashed potatoes were taking on a vertical slant. I tried not to read too much into the fact that her plate was taking on the look of the Devil's Tower National Monument.

Two nights ago, our walls rattled. Candlesticks on the mantle shook at 6:30pm and 8:30pm. At first, I assumed the sound was a news or sheriff's office helicopter. After the second time, I changed my mind. The rotor noise was too loud to be a simple news chopper. What I heard was military grade noise.

Last night, the familiar whopping of the choppers was back, again at 6:30pm, and again at 8:30pm. On the first pass, I went outside and looked up. Though it was dark, I made out the shadow of a military helicopter. Obviously, one of the nearby air bases was in the middle of some sort of training rotation.

When the local FOX affiliate started its broadcast with BREAKING NEWS, I looked up from my computer. The news readers made it clear, something strange was in the air. Many viewers had called in to report seeing strange lights in the sky. I didn't think much of it. First, I'd actually seen the helicopters and they were not otherworldly. Second, this particular news station doesn't shy away from making a big deal out of a few lights in the sky.

By 11pm, though, every station, including my old employer, was talking about the lights. The local office of the National Weather Service reported no weather phenomenon that would cause such streaky blue lights.

By morning, we had a full scale UFO incident on our hands. TV stations and newspapers as far away as Charlotte were reporting the strange lights in the sky. Even the Drudge Report was reporting the lights. What you see on the left is a lightened version of a picture taken by a guy smoking a cigarette on his porch in Charlotte.

There's been a lot of this kind of thing recently. Airline employees in Chicago were largely rebuffed for their reporting of a UFO sighting. Then an a retired airman in Arkansas reported seeing lights over his state. That, apparently, ended up being flares used during a semi-secret military mission.

Now, the lights have moved to the Carolinas. If I had to bet, I'd wager we're looking at a version of the Arkansas Lights here. When military choppers are patrolling the area and people see odd lights, drawing a connection isn't too hard. Of course, some people may say I'm being a little naive...maybe I'm dealing with a chicken and egg situation here. I mean, who is to say the choppers weren't here looking for the lights, eh?

I'll still put my money on some military monkey business. That said, my wife is still acting a little bit funny. And, if for some reason my kid disappears tonight, I may start to fret a bit.

Last damned thing I need right now is my wife running off with Richard Dreyfus.