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Saturday, February 10, 2007

Statement regarding the death of Anna Nicole Smith

I wasn't going to admit it. In the current media climate, it seemed unseemly. Simply mentioning it is sure to draw photographers and nosy reporters to my front door. Worse, it stands to adversely affect my relationship with my wife, a woman who is understanding...to a point.

Before I make this admission, I want you all to know that my motives here are pure. My only goal is to make sure the world knows the truth. Any thing else that my come of this admission is beyond my control. I just want to be honest.

I am the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.

I don't plan to file any lawsuits or submit to any paternity test. I won't tell you how the relationship started. Nor will I tell you how it ended. I will only tell you that the time in between resulted in the conception of Dannielyn (a name that I accepted on the grounds that I get to name the next child "Q*Bert").

It goes without saying that I am crushed by Anna's untimely death. While it did not susprise me, it was an unfortunate way of making sure little Q*Bert would never see this world.

Anyone wishing to discuss this matter, please understand that I am in a time of greiving. I'm spending a lot of time trying to explain to my wife how I ended up in a threesome with Anna and Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband. Oh, there, now you've made me say it.

I will make no further statements on this subject and ask that all members of the media respect my privacy during this tragic time.

Note: It has come to my attention that I am not the only one making this confession. I guess in this world of money/celebrity-hungry vulturism, there is no end to people's need to be seen and recognized. I, for one, am disgusted by this kind of behavior. How disgusted? I may just reveal where Anna's viola-shaped freckle is.

Labels: ,

6 Comments:

Anonymous uncle b said...

definition of "gold digger"

7:53 PM  
Blogger Daddy said...

I guess it seems fitting considering the baby's name is Danny Smith.

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Absinthe said...

I still think it's a better story if you admit you're the baby's mother.

2:36 AM  
Blogger G-Rob said...

I am the father of Lil' Otis.

There, I said it and feel better already.

Please respect my desire to have Otis raise the baby as his own, especially during the expensive college years.

There will be many future comments on this matter.

4:59 PM  
Blogger Student of Life said...

I thought we established several years ago that infidelity, and, therefore, infidelity jokes are NOT FUNNY. Not funny at all.
Mrs. Otis

8:07 PM  
Blogger Chilly said...

http://www.cafepress.com/bobmccarty/2518085

11:15 AM  

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