Rapid Eye Reality -- Home of Brad Willis' writing on family life, travel adventures, and life inside the poker world




About Rapid Eye Reality
Poker Papers
Up For Poker Blog
Up For Sports Blog
PokerStars Blog
Twitter
Flickr
Buzznet



Currently reading:





2007 Reading List

Advertising
Aneurysms
Aging
Barack Obama
Books
Computers
Crime
Devon Epps
Drinking
Elections
Family
Film
Food
Gambling
Health
Hygiene
Mt. Otis
Music
Parenting
Physical
Pimping
Politics
Poker
Mental Massage
Tiffany Souers
Travel
TSA
TV News

Blogroll RER

www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from OT!S. Make your own badge here.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Sick Boy

(Las Vegas, NV) She's an Asian woman who doesn't speak a ton of English, but I imagine her conversation in the housekeeping room of my floor goes like this.

Housekeeper #1: The boy in 012, he sick boy. He have problem.
Housekeeper #2: It's Vegas, everybody has problems.
Housekeeper #1: No, he sick boy! He masturbates! He cokehead! All day long!

I couldn't blame her for making the assumption that I'm a chronic masturbator and hooked on coke. On days when I can't clean up my room before I run out to work, I leave behind at least one empty bottle of lotion and a Kleenex that may or may not contain evidence of a nosebleed. There are days I should just keep the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door.

The simple fact is, the evidence is confusing. I'm too tired to pleasure myself, and I don't use cocaine (the one thing I don't need in my life is another addiction). In truth, no matter how much water I drink, I can't stay hydrated. No matter if I drink no booze for 48 hours, I can't stay hydrated. The result is lizard-like skin and frequent nosebleeds. Nothing I can do.

This is not for a great effort to remain healthy in an environment that caters to being as unhealthy as possible. I'm even betting on how healthy I can be.

The main source of food during the 16-hour workdays here is something they call The Poker Kitchen. Cold food involves wraps and salads. Hot food ranges from burgers to stromboli. Last year, I pretty much ate one piece of over-cooked pizza a day. This year, my first day on the ground, I accepted a bet from Pauly that I couldn't last the full seven weeks without eating a slice. To this moment, I'm good. However, this is the first day I have been tempted.

I'm $30 to the good in what Pauly calls "Throwing Things" prop bets, in which one or the other of us tosses something (water bottles, matchbooks, a Milwaukee's Best show girl) into a container. Also so far this year, I have accepted no prop bets that require me eating or drinking anything. Last year, I made hundreds of dollars on those (note: crayons are easier than daiquiris and crackers).

In a dream world, I could set up a staged scenario in which the housekeeper walks in on me, Pauly, and six of our friends from South America. The room would be a snowstorm of cocaine and an oil slick of Jergens.

My first question to the maid would be, "Would you eat two Keno crayons for $400?"

"You sick boy! Sick boy!"'

Labels: , , ,

3 Comments:

Blogger Student of Life said...

You coulda at least shared the video of the Keno crayon incident with the world. I mean, the five people who haven't yet seen it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDXcLhpTAOk

Hee, hee.

9:47 PM  
Blogger Pauly said...

We do have that Pizza bet... don't forget.

3:24 AM  
Blogger MGM said...

Can't believe I missed the Keno crayon thing. Hope it all came out okay in the end, and I'll bet it was colorful. I always thought they made those things non-toxic for the sake of innocent children who don't know any better. Now I know the real reason is to ensure no liability for foolish grown men who gnosh on them to win a bet. Sick boy, indeed!

5:23 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home -- E-Mail Otis --

 NEW RER RSS feed


Advertisting inquiries to:
editor@pokerpapers.com
blackjack terminology
New canadian casino online poker web, which is owned by 888 casino announced launching before a few months. They are focusing only on Canadians and their specific needs (e.g. payment methods etc.),so you are able to play online games such as poker comfortably in your national background.
Google


    Creative Commons License

Rapid Eye Reality is the personal blog of writer Brad Willis, aka Otis.
All poker stories, travelogues, food writing, parenting and marriage advice, crime stories, and other writing should be taken with a grain of salt. It is also all protected under a Creative Commons license
.