Technological Breakdown

I, for one, believe we aren't all that stupid. Oh sure, there are those among us who still die in lawnchair accidents or end up in the ER because they "accidentally sat down" on the remote control. Those, however, are the exceptions. If we human types weren't that smart, I wouldn't be able to digitally record my favorite programs while holiday shopping online and IMing with my wife from across the room. These are the things--not to be mention the artificial heart and and Platinum Coil Embolization technique--that let me know I live in a society that has a future. Hell, I just learned a few minutes ago that there is a service that will let everyone who knows me know where I am at any given second. That sounds like a real treat.

And yet...

My laptop battery (less than one year old) is completely shot

My wife's laptop battery (less than one year old) has somehow fried her touchpad and keyboard

Guitar Hero 3 users are saying en masse that their controllers don't work right

Vista sucks even more balls than I thought it did

American Airlines computer system and employees have the same amount of intelligence (tonight I asked for my boarding pass for the third time and the gate agent--a fifty-something lady--muttered mysteriously "Oh, shit" before sending me away for a couple of minutes)

Every DVD player I have ever purchased has died or bugged out on me

These are just things that I have come up with off the top of my head. I'm too fried right now to get into this too deeply. Hell, if I did, Blogger would probably eat my post.

Techno-tilt sucks.

This is not a paid advertisement

...it's just something that's pretty damned cool.

I'd been seeing referrals from Netvibes in my logs for a while. Then Gene mentioned it in his most recent post. So, I thought I'd check it out.

I spent a couple hours today setting up what I titled "Mt. Otis Command Central." Much like Bloglines, my DVR, and my Bose QC3s, I'm not sure how I ever got by without Netvibes. Now, my homepage tells me whether my inbox at two different web-based e-mail addresses has any new mail for me. It gives me the four-day forecast for my hometown. It has a to-do list, a widget that tells me how many unread posts I have waiting for me on Bloglines. BoingBoing's feed is featured prominently, as is a custom Google Blog Search phrase. Oh, and I have it set to bring up the most recent image search for Scarlett Johansson and 20 thumbnails of said search.

My son's favorite widget is a box that has five different colored fish swimming around a custom aquarium. I click of the cursor drops food and the fish come in for a mini-frenzy. My kid has named the black fish Joey and the yellow fish Terrence. The other three fish are currently nameless.

And it's all on one page.

In total, there are about 500 different widgets you can put on your Netvibes pages. I've just scratched the surface. I think it's going to save me a lot of time in my day that I would spend jumping from one page to another.

So, if you haven't used Netvibes, give it a try. If you're already a user and have any widget recommendations, leave them in the comments.

Referral logs and the grand wonder

I long ago accepted that Rapid Eye Reality would not turn into one of those blogs that get quoted in news stories or become part of of the in crowd. As it started off as a personal diary in 2001, I never really had any hope of blog stardom. Still, I do keep an eye on my referral logs and enjoy modest traffic. One of my daily time killers is checking in on how people run end up here. Further, it's been fun to find that Google has been a source for some old friends to find me.

To wit: Back in the old days, I played in a garage band called The Flaming Puppies. Never a band with any chance at success, it was more a great opportunity for like-minded musicians to gather in basements and make fun music. I recall one instrumental titled Bucking Fackwards that always sounded pretty tight. Alas, as happens with bands good and bad, the trio was more a band of geographical convenience than it was a homogeneous pursuit of a sound. I remember one night in Dan's basement in which I suggested we try to work up a Cracker tune. My fellow musicians snickered, "Crackers." Eventually, for a variety of reasons, most of them of my own stupid doing, the boys found a more talented guitarist and more talented lead singer. And by more talented, I mean they had some talent where I had, well, none. I went to college in a mini-huff, and lost touch with the boys. About six months ago, Dave, the talented bass player, found me by way of this blog and e-mailed me. I'd hoped to see him over the holidays, but for a variety of reasons, was unable to. Nonetheless, it was nice to hear from him and see that he and his wife are doing well.

In another reunion tale, I learned some time ago that a high school girlfriend had been lurking here for a while and eventually started her own blog. Though we'd been good friends in our teens and even communicated some once we both went off to college, we'd completely lost touch over the years. Again, it made me happy to see she'd found her way to an ideal little family life. Even more fun, now that my wife is blogging, my old girlfriend and my wife are now commenting on each other's blogs and sharing advice on motherhood. While some people might find that a little odd, I think it's a pretty good sign that we're pretty balanced people. Or something like that.

I find that many people reach this blog by searching for my name. It used to be something I hid, but since I got out of the "must lead a respectable and moral life" job, I've made little secret of my secret identity. Unfortunately, most of those people who come searching for me rarely let me know they've been here. So, if you do find your way here and we're long lost friends, let me know about it, okay?

Google is a fine little tool. I use it for everything. Dr. Google, for instance, told me just today that I have somehow tweaked my ulnar nerve. I also use it to go in search of people I used to know but have somehow lost in the shuffle of life. Most times, I'm unsuccessful. So, in a half-hearted attempt to find some old friends, here's a list of people who used to be a big part of my life and have now disappeared. On the off-chance they Google themselves (aka, egosurf), maybe they'll find their way here.

Dan Enos from Willard, Missouri
Dan Martin from Willard, MO
Kendra Chappell of Willard High School
Mary Louise Igert of Willard High School
Chris Church of Willard High School
Marcie (Marcy) Welsh from Willard, MO
Damon Swain of Willard High School
Martin Gugel of Willard, MO
Susan Fanter of University of Missouri
Jenny Wiebrand of Willard, MO (Jenny, where did you go?)
Nate Bell, Nixa, MO
Lisa Hoffman, University of MO
Attitude from Laws Hall, Mizzou
Marty Wyatt, Mizzou
John Wright (Wrighteous), Mizzou
Oh, and since I've been a bad friend and lost contact for a year, Brad D., where the hell are you?

Also, if anybody else from the old days is around, shoot me an e-mail or leave a comment here. I get nostalgic sometimes and Google doesn't cut it.

An open letter from the Vista

To be opened only in the event you have not heard from me in the next 30 days

To whom it may concern:

If you are reading this, it's because I have not returned from the darkness. I recognized from the outset that both hubris and naivete led me down this path. It was on February 27th that the new machine arrived. It bore the symbol of the beast. And I welcomed it warily into my home.

Trust this: I recall your warnings. "I would rather scratch out my own eyes..." you said. "I don't trust..." you said. "Cancel or allow..." you said. I heard them all, but I could not make myself take heed. I was driven by familiarity and frugality. It was my avoidance of risk that drove me to risk in the first place.

As I waited for my fate, there was a part of me that said, "It can't be that bad. It's barely different than what you already you know." And, most of me believed that. Most of me believed that the hip, nerdcore propaganda had been getting to me.

"You are coming to a sad realization," you said.

And as I took hold of the new machine, I whispered, "Allow."

Indeed, if you are reading this, I allowed too much. I can only hope I return with as much relief as I have trepidation today.

Friday's Mental Massage

I like to end the week on a high note. For this week, it appears that's going to require more than a good attitude. I'm three days behind on work. I'm a week behind on getting motivated to do work. It's cold outside. Or, in short, as someone (Jimmy Buffet?) once said, "My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus."

This old laptop is on the verge of giving up the ghost. It's been a trusted companion. It's been to Europe more times than I can count, visiting Monte Carlo, London, Austria, and Denmark. It's made three trips to the Caribbean, a few trips to odd places in Mississippi and Missouri. It's been up the Pacific Coast Highway. And now this old bitch is about to die. I feel it coming. Even as I peck away at her keys, I can smell death on the hard drive. I don't want to give this thing up, but as my ability to be online at any given time is pretty much my lifeblood, I need to get a new high performance machine.

Back when I got this thing, it was pretty damned awesome. That was in October of 2004. Now, I don't even know how to buy a laptop. So, I need your help. I suspect this purchase will be made before Monday, so don't be shy with your comments.

First off, let me put a stop to all talk of a Mac. Yeah, I know how cool they are. I know John Hodgman is doing a great job of making PC users look like a ball of dufus. And yeah, I'd sorta like a Mac. Thing is, my line of work requires I have a PC. "It makes a difference?" some of you are asking. Yeah, it does. Gotta have a PC. Nothing I can do about it right now.

So, with that in mind, my needs are pretty simple. I need an internal Wi-Fi- card. I need a fast processor. I'd like a 17" screen. I write, I surf, I play games that don't require a lot of computer memory. It's not that hard on a computer. It's not like I sit around playing Second Life, downloading porn, and pirating music all day long (although, that sounds like a good career move).

Hmph. Yeah, that's about it. I'm a simple guy.

But, hell. There's all this talk about how bad Vista sucks. It's actually kept me from buying a new computer up until this point. Now, I think I can't wait anymore. So, any advice from the peanut gallery?

What else?

Oh yeah, I'm still a procrastinator. I've had a February 16th deadline for a project for the past two weeks. Guess what's not done yet? And what am I doing? Blogging.

Other than that, the dog is playing the "I don't want dog food game." The kid is playing the "I'm ready to play outside, when is spring?" game. The wife is not playing any games, thankfully.

Yeah, I got nothin' here.

Back in 2003, I mighta had something, though.

Being a good assistant's assistant eventually became pretty simple for Roy. When the boss needed something, he asked the assistant to get it done. The assistant turned to Roy, made a few nearly-obscene gestures with his fingers, and Roy took off to get the job done. Since Roy hired on as the AA he had learned to make coffee, balance the company's books, and screw the boss' wife. Getting the promotion was going to have its disadvantages. Roy just couldn't stand the idea of someone else making his coffee.

Want more? That was an ill-conceived Mental Massge titled: The Great Corn Nut Conspiracy.